Point of departure / realization of the self

In my previous writings, I admit that I had a certain someone in mind. At the climax of this ride of anger, I have reached a point, where I have concluded that I am no longer going to make this any more about you than I already have. I have given you far too much, and now comes the time when I stop giving you any more credit.

Let this last credit to you be that I am finally able to see my worth as a woman. A worth you couldn’t see. But that’s okay. That I am not empty, I was not to begin with. You took so much out of me, to fill your own emptiness of being alone. Bless your soul, for I do wish you the best (I am not being sarcastic here.)

As our lives diverge, for the life of me, I needn’t deal with your issues anymore dear one. This is how you lose me. Whether or not our paths cross in future, that is entirely up to the universe and its queer ways, and well, probably your actions too.

As I set off, this is the path where I become friends with myself; a path of understanding life through my own eyes. A path to understanding the world, that I may be better at dealing with all the ugliness that seems to be unfolding as a result of the human condition.

I am whole, and ready to grow even more into the spaces that I am meant to breathe into.

I was once told a story, that life is a forest and you have to look for that strong sturdy oak tree. I’d like to think of it this way now, that yes life is this huge forest, with tonnes of undergrowth and ugly things that lurk beneath the surface. But I will plant my own oak tree nonetheless, and it will grow. I will nurture it to be strong and to withstand all storms. This is where I stand.

Realizing one’s worth should not be confused with self-righteousness, or pridefulness. I am fully aware of my limits and ill-capacity for foresight as a human. Staying aware and allowing oneself to be human (mistakes will be made, blundering, carelessness and at times pure stupidity) isn’t prideful in any way.

Goodbye dear once-lover, I wish you well. For what it’s worth, a friendship is one where we are both willing to have, and that said I know only good will follow. But time needs to pass, for the animosity to leave me.



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