my dream is done I’m still in love

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“The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.” Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism

IT was these lyrics, that took me back in my moment of almost sleep, to a memory; so old yet fresh. Maybe 3 years ago, at Death Cab’s concert, the first concert I attended with this person. The chords, and then Ben opened the song, soon followed that guitar riff – my hands clasping his, and my mind dancing with the waves and crashes of melody.

Love – In that moment, was captured. and Ben sings, “I need you so much closer,” I felt him squeezing my hand back, and I smiled. “So come on, come on”

This recount of that moment in this shared history with this other person, this is not to be mistaken as a longing for a person in particular. But a realm above that if you’d allow me to explain. Which I will, and which you can choose to read or not to read.

The song led me to see how I had spun a thick cocoon around this particular moment. But my memory of it has changed. The face of the actual person, who existed in that chronological moment, does not appear in that memory.

I remember the time; it was evening time, all was dark except the stage where Ben and the rest of the band was. I remember the lights; Blue and green streams of light were hovering over the crowds, at times lighting up our faces and the faces of the people around us. I remember the sounds; the music was loud and travelled through my ears, my body and my soul. I remember the soul; the warm of another’s hand in mine, fingers locked. A wave of warmth had cradled my heart.

I will never forget it – not that it was the best memory, or that I miss this particular person.

I will never forget it because in that moment, it was revealed to me that Love is real. That it exists in you and outside of you, within and around.

And while this person has ceased to be of any part of my life currently, and while this is by no means a bench mark for the memories I have yet to have had – it is significant, in its essence of being but a memory, a glossy marble along this path I tread, amongst many marbles I will discover along the way.

And for you, that particular memory you hold – That is this for you. Your reminder that love is real.

And when the time comes, for love to find you again. You will know never to deny its reality and its presence. Sure, we can blame the previous, and the previous-previous, and the previous-previous-previous and all the previouses, for making us the way we are, for making us close up, freeze, reactive and protective, and maybe even dying a little – but the fact remains. Love is real. And the choices you make with it, that is your responsibility.

So live a little, and let live.

(So come on, come on)

XX

T.

The song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNqQC7R_Me4

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